she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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