I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
