he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
