I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
