Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
