If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
