Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
