Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
