I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
