Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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