so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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