i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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