just survived the first fart of the relationship.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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