brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
