I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
