So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
