What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found puke in my bra..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
