Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
