yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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