I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am one with the molecules
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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