32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
