so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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