When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
