he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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