"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
