so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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