Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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