Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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