if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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