one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
