what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
