Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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