what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
