I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
