Already got asked if we're dating
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
