dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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