Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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