I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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