sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
