My first STD was from a foam party
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
