I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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