You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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