she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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