the condom got lost in my hair
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
