Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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