Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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