i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
