You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
