Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
