She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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