fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
