moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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