I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
