Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
