Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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